I remember very vividly the point in my childhood when I realized nobody used the words "boo boo" and "owie" anymore. I remember absolutely stressing out about what I would say the next time I fell down and hurt myself. what do big kids SAY when they're in pain, anyway? I figured it out pretty quickly... you just have to be more specific. you don't say you have a boo boo, you say you have a paper cut. or you don't have an owie, you fell off the swing set and landed on your butt.

I feel like moments, realizations like this punctuate my existence, and they are the absolute only evidence I have that I am maturing in any quantifiable way. without these little epiphanies, I swear I am still a kindergardener desperately taking mental notes in attempt to lessen my ever-too-numerous social inadequacies.

I am reminded of this, every day, on a constant basis, by guests at my hotel. part of my job is chit-chat, building rapport, getting to know the guest, inquiring about their likes/dislikes/needs/interests so as to become as a better customer service representative. now don't get me wrong, I can do my job and I'm good at it. and most guests who deal with me will say that I was charming and polite, and I smiled courteously when I greeted them and they got an overall sense of well-being from me. but some of my coworkers, gosh, they're just so good at it. they know how to react when a guest says something funny... they know which people will react well to a joke and which will not... they can sense what kind of person they are, what kind of questions they should ask, what they're probably looking for, why they're probably in San Diego. and even if they can't sense all that, they know how to carry on a small talk conversation long enough to find out.

and I honest to god just have no idea how they do it. I WANT to know the guest. I want to help them. I want to build rapport, I want them to like me, I want them to go home after their vacation and tell their friends about the girl at the front desk who was just so delightfully helpful and social. I just don't know how to do it. I lock up when it comes to anything past checking people in and printing them out directions. sure, I can smile and make eye contact and chuckle politely when I know I'm supposed to (they have to sign saying whether or not they have a pet... and inevitably, if there's a spouse/child standing next to them, they'll say "does he count?" hardy harr harr. I get it.) but beyond what is immediately required of me as a front desk agent, I have no idea how to make conversation. I have no idea how to begin talking to this stranger about anything other than their reservation... or on rare occasions, perhaps the weather. and I'm hoping this will be my next big step in becoming a real-life, purse-carrying grown-up: learning how to talk to people.

because it isn't just the hotel. this social defect of mine has begun leaking into even my day-to-day life. all my friends flirt with waiters at restaurants, make small talk with the people next to them in line at barnes and noble, introduce themselves to people at the concession stand at the movie theater... and I just sit there, examining the loose threads on my jeans until it's my turn to order, then go back to my distraction-oriented comfort zone. it's pa-freaking-thetic.